Ahmed Hassanein Is Not a Real Person
He can’t be. This does not happen in real life.
You know the guy I’m talking about. The unhinged linebacker in every football movie who’s slamming his helmet into lockers and screaming like his life depends on it. Steve Latimer from The Program. The Waterboy’s entire defensive unit. Goldberg in The Longest Yard. These are fictional characters written to be over the top because nobody actually plays football like that off the page.
Except Ahmed Hassanein does, and he plays for the Detroit Lions.
This Guy Puked in the End Zone and Then Screamed at the Crowd
I am not making that up.
During red zone drills at Allen Park on Monday, Hassanein helped stuff a goal line stop, turned around, puked in the end zone, and then screamed at the top of his lungs. The crowd went nuts. It was full Willie Beamon from Any Given Sunday energy. It was Droz before he became a WWE legend. It was chaotic and beautiful and the kind of thing you watch and think did that just happen.
If Hassanein doesn’t make it in the NFL, and I believe he will, he’s going to be a WWE champion someday. That’s not a joke. The charisma is there. The pointed rage is there. The good rage. The kind of rage that makes you believe this guy would run through a brick wall just to prove a point.
Dan Campbell Sees It Too
Campbell was asked about Hassanein on Tuesday, and here’s what he said.
“He’s had a really good camp. He is all out all the time. The guy never takes a play off, literally never takes a play off. He doesn’t take a water break off. He doesn’t. I mean, the guy is all out. Some of the things, honestly, is we just got to rein him back in a little bit. Sometimes he gets out of his mind and goes a little rogue on some stuff, but you’d rather it be that way and pull back on him than the other way where you’re constantly having to prod him.”
Rein him back in. Goes a little rogue. Campbell is managing a defensive end like a wild animal and honestly that tracks.
“He’s really grown, kind of moving into that big end. That was a move that was made. So he’s a little bit of an undersized big end, but it doesn’t affect him. He plays so dang hard, plays with leverage. And he has it. You know what you love about him? Like, he doesn’t cower from anything. Like, competition, man, he’s all for it. And he wants it. He wants it. He tries to prove it every day. So you like that. I’m excited to see what he does in this game.”
He’s Getting Better
And that’s the thing. This isn’t just noise and emotion for the sake of it. Hassanein is actually improving as a football player. You can see it on the field. The hair on fire stuff is still there, and sometimes it costs him a sack because he went a little too crazy on a rush, but once he puts it all together he could be a real problem for offensive tackles.
You could see a world where this guy becomes a starter.
Last year he was a rookie, still figuring it out, maybe a little shy under all that screaming. Not anymore. If you hear someone yelling on the practice field at Allen Park it’s Hassanein almost every single time. He’s telling Brad Holmes he loves him and he’s going to prove him right. He’s thanking people for the opportunity to be out there. He is not like other people. He is a movie character come to life and I cannot stress that enough.
He’s Off the Roster Bubble
Coming into camp I had Hassanein on the bubble. He’s not on the bubble anymore. He’s making the 53-man roster and I’m not even concerned about it. This guy is too good, too intense, too much fun to watch. The Lions play the Cincinnati Bengals on Thursday and I am very excited to see what Hassanein does in this preseason game. Last year’s Hall of Fame game was okay. This year feels different.
This is what Brad Holmes does. He finds guys like this. Undersized big ends who play with their hair on fire and scream in the end zone after they puke. You can’t coach that. You can barely contain it. You just let it loose and hope it destroys quarterbacks.
Is Ahmed Hassanein the most unhinged player at Allen Park or are we just not ready for someone who actually plays like a football movie character? Drop your take below.
Enjoyed the Take? Get the Password. Read What Casual Fans Don't.
Every Monday, The Grit List lands in your inbox — exclusive takes, deeper analysis, and content locked behind a password that only subscribers get. We survived 0-16. We're still here. Miss it and you're already behind.
Join free. Get the password. Read everything.
